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<title>Used to the Silence by desertdrift (AlsaTronic)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355991">Used to the Silence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlsaTronic/pseuds/desertdrift'>desertdrift (AlsaTronic)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Pacific (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, M/M, Pining, Vignette</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:34:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlsaTronic/pseuds/desertdrift</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It would be easy to hitch his wagon to Eugene’s star and just follow him back to Mobile. Merriell could make a life anywhere, it didn’t have to be New Orleans. Hell, it might be nice to start over someplace new, see what it was that endeared Eugene to the place so.</p>
<p>And he knows he’ll never do it, can’t do it, because it’s not about the place at all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merriell "Snafu" Shelton/Eugene Sledge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Used to the Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The half-formed thought, <em>not fair</em>, flits across his mind, and he squashes it down mercilessly. He’s unsure if it’s jealousy or envy he’s feeling, he never was very good at telling the difference. What he does know is there’s no sense in it. He’s happy, really, that Burgie’s got somebody to welcome him home. Somebody to come home to. After everything they’ve been through, they all deserve it (especially the ones who didn’t make it; somebody’s got to bury the bones, after all).</p>
<p>It just stings a bit, is all, knowing he’s on a one-way train ride to a bunch of nothing. All he’s got to look forward to is more of the same life he left behind when he enlisted. There’s likely to be more drinking and nightmares this time around, but any change of pace is better than none, he supposes. But he’s thankful, in a way. It’s a blessing that the crazy assholes he still knows back home won’t be waiting to jump on him with invasive questions about what he saw <em>over there</em>, what was it like, on and on and on. As if he’d be dying to talk about any of that. It’s a relief that the ones he really cares about are either dead and gone or have moved on to better things and can’t see what’s become of him.</p>
<p>He turns to Eugene, and another terrible thought comes to him. He allows himself to turn it over and over this time, knowing he won’t follow through. It would be easy to hitch his wagon to Eugene’s star and just follow him back to Mobile. Merriell could make a life anywhere, it didn’t have to be New Orleans. Hell, it might be nice to start over someplace new, see what it was that endeared Eugene to the place so.</p>
<p>And he knows he’ll never do it, can’t do it, because it’s not about the place at all. It’s about Gene, has been for a while. It’s about how this wide-eyed ginger had the nerve to reach in through all the muck and the fear and the hate and grab hold of the small piece of him that was still human. Were he a better man, he might be content with that, content with being grateful to Eugene, all the while keeping a respectful distance like proper brothers at arms ought to do. Were he a more clever man, he might find a way to keep Gene near him in secret, stealing intimate moments in their own private paradise, the world none the wiser.</p>
<p>As several others have seen fit to tell him, he’s never been a particularly good or clever man to begin with. The very idea of being so close to Eugene makes him nearly sick with want. Fleeting touches would never be enough for him, yet he’s too decent (or too cowardly) to steal Gene away altogether.</p>
<p>Abruptly, he thinks of later, when Eugene will be asleep. He can make his escape then, he thinks, Gene won’t miss him. New Orleans comes before Mobile, and they’re likely to get there at night. Best to step off in the dead of night, when everyone’ll be too tired to notice or care there’s no one waiting for him. It’s better this way, Gene’s got his own shit to deal with. He doesn’t need some dysfunctional hanger-on inserting himself into every nook and cranny of his life.</p>
<p>In the long, coming years, when he thinks back on this moment (despite his best efforts to the contrary), he will do his best to recall the way the sun streams in through the train window, lighting up Eugene’s whole figure. He will do his very best to recall every detail he’s committing to memory now, and tell himself he made the right decision.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by <a href="https://s-k-y-w-a-l-k-e-r.tumblr.com/post/637816055553753088/i-wish-i-had-something-beautiful-to-write-here-i">this gifset here</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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